More Thoughts from After Dark

Thank you for your kind words and prayers for me and my sleeper. I guess I wasn't super clear in my last post, but we are currently enjoying a time of better sleep for Simon, though it's still not great - especially compared to the kind of sleeper Luke was when he was Simon's age. But, I guess I'm not supposed to compare, and every child is different, right? :) Don't worry, I'm not wagging my finger at Simon and asking him, Why can't you just be more like your brother? :)

Something else that came to my mind on more than one interrupted night of sleep in the last month was about one of THE most incredible, precious, caring, selfless moms God ever blessed a person with: my mom. My sisters will attest that having Joan Patz around in time of need (like having a baby) or even just for a fun visit will always leave one better off than before. My mom always knows the perfect, timely and appropriate way to help someone. And, especially since she raised me and I am like her in so many of my ways/habits/methods of mothering/housewife-ing, she's like a new and improved version of myself when she is here. My mom has seven children who desperately love her, and we all want more of her!

One simple memory exemplifies one of the ways my mom is such a great mother and why I pray that I am the same kind of mom to my kids. Over a year ago when Simon was born - during a cold and snowy December - my mom came for a few days to help. She arrived right before we left the hospital and helped us through those first hairy nights at home. She slept on the couch in our living room - the same place where little Simon slept in his bassinet. My mom would always get up with Simon if it wasn't time for him to eat or if I had already fed him and he wasn't asleep. So, one night I woke up to Simon's cries ands stumbled out to the living room. Simon was all bundled up and toasty warm, but the air in the living room was a little cool, and our wood floors were even chillier. I sat down on our love seat to feed Simon, my bare toes resting on the cold floor. I was still a little groggy - maybe even half asleep with my eyes closed - but my eyes fluttered open when my mom lifted up my legs to place a throw pillow under my feet so that they wouldn't be so cold and tucked a blanket around me and Simon. I didn't remember this until several weeks ago - my now one year old in my arms - when I sat down in my rocker and my bare toes touched the floor. I smiled there in the dark as I remembered my mom and all of the little selfless acts she does for her children. I suddenly missed my mom, and small, tired tears filled my eyes. I realized that I was once her little screamer in the night, robbing her of countless hours of beauty sleep, smearing food on her clothes, arms and cheeks, smudging her clean windows and flinging food on her shiny floors. She undoubtedly spent many nights rocking me and singing Jesus Loves Me in my ear, just as I do now with my boys. I am positive that I inherited these mommy-traits from her; I LOVE rocking my babies (and Luke still likes to be rocked). It is easy for me to feel frustrated and angry when I feel like I have been awakened one too many times, but as I sang that simple song to Simon and realized that my mom sang those same words into my soft hair when I was little too, I decided that I could just stop my whining and give my son that little gift of ungrudging love, tenderness and selflessness in the night. After all, my mom gave it to me. She still does.

Christmas 2008

My Mom and all her kids and babies (and husband!) who love her