Conversations with a Two-Year-Old

Lukie: (Luke comes running up to Mommy with a fresh popsicle from Grandma's freezer.) Mommy! Mommy! My fwoat! My fwoat! (Translated: throat) My fwoat hurts!

Mommy: Your throat hurts?

Lukie: Yea. It's hurts. I need medicine. (Points to the popsicle, aka "medicine")

Mommy: Ok. You can have a popsicle.

(Luke downs the popsicle in record time.)

Lukie: Mommy! My fwoat all better! My fwoat all better!

Mommy: Your throat's all better?

Lukie: Yea.

Mommy: It's a miracle.

Lukie: IT'S A MIRACLE!

(Mommy cracks up.)

Lukie: Mommy! My fwoat is in my tummy!

Mommy: Your sore throat is in your tummy with the popsicle?

Lukie: Yea.

Sigh.

Flushed Away

No this is not a review about the movie Flushed Away. I wish it were. I so wish it were.

Luke has done some crazy things in his 2 and 1/2 years of life. He's taken things apart, scattering them everywhere. He's stripped down to nothing in his crib, one time (when he was pretty little) taking off his diaper and distributing the contents all over the place (including in his mouth). He's done some pretty frustrating things, like ripping books to shreds in his crib; and that was only a few weeks ago. But this time, his curiosity and the terrible twos got the best of him. You guessed it. He flushed my cell phone down the toilet. And what's worse is, it went! It's gone. Flushed away.

Chris and I were both in the room, and Chris asked Luke to hand me my cell phone. The little bugger decided to put it in a drawer instead. I was preoccupied with Wheel of Fortune, but noted where he put it so I wouldn't be searching high and low for it later on. Then, all of a sudden, Luke ran into the bathroom and flushed the toilet quickly. Time froze; Chris and I looked at each other and rushed to the bathroom. He didn't do what I think he just did, did he?

We went and searched the drawer where the phone had been minutes before. Nothing. Chris started calling my number, and we waited in vain to hear it. It was gone forever. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I certainly didn't want Luke to think the situation was funny. And certainly some sort of discipline was in order. I took Luke into the kitchen, knelt down in front of him and asked, Luke, did you put Mommy's phone in the toilet? And in his sweetest, most angelic voice he answered yes. Now, how in the world am I supposed to keep a straight face? Somehow I managed and tried to convey the seriousness of putting things in the toilet. I could tell that Luke was upset about what he had done. He kept saying in his most concerned and worried voice, Where's Mommy's phone? Where's Mommy's phone? Kids. What boring lives we would lead without them. So, any of you phone friends of mine, you'll have to call Chris' cell to get a hold of me during the next week. SIM cards are back-ordered, and it will take 5-7 days for us to get one.

Apparently, mine isn't the first cell phone to be flushed down a toilet. Click here to read another guy's story. It sounds like he had a hard time accepting that his phone was gone; he went through quite a bit of trouble trying to get it back. Though I have to admit, in my desperation I stuck my hand up the toilet and took a plunger to it. Obviously to no avail.

I had to chuckle this morning when I was on the phone with my sister Janelle. We both had noisy kids in the background, and our conversation was frequently interrupted. Janelle cut me off mid-sentence and said (in an exasperated tone) Preston, no! You threw it behind the piano! Now it's gone forever! I begged to differ. Actually, she could get it back. It's not really gone forever. Now, if he'd flushed it down the toilet, then it would be gone forever.