I find myself walking the line lately - the line between order and chaos, peace and unrest, patience and irritability. I am slowly acquiring habits that create and aid order in my life and our home. God has been kind in helping me pursue new ways to teach his Word to my boys when we are at home and walking in the way. But, too often, so quickly that I don't know who pushed me, I am surrounded by the disorder that is inevitable with boys (all kids, for that matter, but ESPECIALLY these two boys I love) and all that spews out of me is more chaos, contagious unrest and irritation lined with impatience and anger. I mean, really, does he think that I can look at the new "Wipe Out" move that he's created every 10 seconds? Is there an unwritten law in the Book of Boys that allows for a little pee on the floor and forbids leaving the hand towel in the bathroom? And, why does cleaning my house feel like a treadmill?
There must be some refinement taking place in this process, because in the midst of the petty and selfish tantrums I throw in my head (that may occasionally spill out in a few, ahem, words), I know how ridiculous and short-sighted I am being. I see the ugliness of myself, playing the victim who deserves better, or at least 2 square feet without a single train or dinosaur to pick up. I know that I wouldn't trade one Wipe Out move for a peaceful life with no pee on the bathroom floor.
God, forgive me. Teach me these lessons often, so that my sinful self will learn before my babies see and remember (of course they have already seen) my selfishness. Thank you for every moment that I get to admire a Wipe Out move, or a jump off the couch, fish Kix from between the couch cushions or pick up the 100th match-box car.
5 comments:
Criket,
Your post is one I could have done many times over about 40 years ago. You are raising SONS! Don't be so hard on yourself. You pick the most important things and concentrate on those. The rest do as you can. The boys will grow up and be good men. There are too many good people in their lives not to.
I always had a time in the evening when they were in bed asleep that I could reflect on the day and the dumb or great things they did that day. Say a prayer and go for it. God Bless!
I LOVED this post! Sometimes I wonder how many times a day I hear, "MOM, watch this!" UGH! And I hear ya with the pee on the floor . . . on the seat . . . on his pants . . . I'm convinced our boys would be great friends if we lived closer!
Katie, I really appreciate your candidness here. It's encouraging to me, even though I am not a mom. Thanks for posting.
I really needed to hear this too. I find myself rushing around worrying about the dishes, toys, food thrown the floor etc etc. I feel like I am really being tested on the whole contentment thing too. Thank you for sharing.
love you nanner.
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