My Pink-Faced Darling

-- With Luke at Three Months

It seems like yesterday that I was blindly staggering through the murky waters of early motherhood. Sorry to those of you who have lofty ideals of a pink-faced darling who does nothing but cooh and sleep on your chest. Some may balk at my blunt words; please understand me. I whole-heartedly believe that children are one of God's greatest blessings that he desires all to experience. But I know that I was not alone in feeling completely broadsided with exhuastion and overwhelming emotions in those first weeks. Add to the equation a recent move to a completely foreign area of the country and being 11 hours from my mom. I had so looked forward to the birth of our first child, but I felt lonely and isolated; and this curly-head that I birthed just wouldn't stop crying!

When Luke was seven months old, I was astounded to read an article in American Baby Magazine that sounded like the inner musings of my own self. This woman was me! Or sounded like me anyways. I laughed out loud and breathed a small sigh of relief that I really wasn't the only one out there to feel the way I did. Check the article out; maybe you'll laugh too. Sorry to those who will say, "That's horrible!"

But, alas, the days did get better. There were, in fact, moments when I held Luke and looked down at his sleeping face in wonder. And, I did indeed melt when he began to smile at me.

I admit, that during those weeks, I basked in the amazing peace that resting wholly and completely in Jesus Christ brings. As I struggled through some of the hardest days of my short life, I felt myself becoming a stronger, calmer woman - not strength or peace of my own - but only that which is found in the unshakeable, immoveable One, Jesus. And, already, Time has begun her magical work of erasing those early, really tough moments from my memory so that I am beginning to want another pink-faced darling.

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